Toni's Eclipse

On the day Toni died, the sun and moon raised her up through a 'ring of fire'.  She would love the irony of exiting this planet on a day so rare.  I can hear her laugh off in the distance.  But she would shrug off any suggestion about it being such a fitting send off.  However, it tells so much about her.  Although alone as that moment came, the circle of friends she held dear surrounded her.  Friends she gathered through her many areas of interest and involvement.  First and foremost, she shared a sisterhood with Nina, who she met during junior high.  Not only did Toni cherish her, but she became family with the Jacques as Nina and Bob raised their children.  I know this was something she loved, for she had little family of her own. 

She spoke often about Maggie during our frequent emails and it was evident how close they were.  They were always doing something fun or inspiring together.  There  were so many from her literary circles, her book and writing groups; her art friends; friends from Al Anon; from work; from life that she gathered near.  Her circles ran strong and deep and connected those who knew her by a thread.  For we were all touched by her inspiration, values, warmth, sincerity, support and love that she shared.

She lived her life outside the darkness and within the circle that showed so vibrant as the moon passed before the sun.  Her honesty and wit surfaced in what she wrote, how she lived her life, what she created.  She loved making gifts and was always eager to try something new.  Always a project was in the making, whether a collage, a beaded bracelet, wine charms, or cards.   She enjoyed photography and took wonderful images that captured many special moments.  She often said her first love was paper art.  She found joy in placing snippets of neatly trimmed papers together to tell a story.  And her writing was deep and honest and full of emotion.   

She brought out the best in others.  Her support and enthusiasm was endless.  She shared of herself and enjoyed that which you shared with her.  She kept journals throughout her life and wrote and told amazing stories from moments of simplicity.  One project she was working on involved sharing experiences based on the songs of her youth.  They were as diverse as the edgy songs of Guns and Roses or the lyrical harmonies of the Eagles.   Toni had plans.   So much more to do; books to finish, art to create, many to support.  How can we understand? 

I will miss so much of her.  Her frequent emails; our lengthy phone conversations about our creative projects,  movies, books, or the fog that hung over her condo that overlooked San Francisco Bay.  I will miss postcards she would send from Half Moon Bay, Reno, or the coffee shop she frequented in the Haight.   I will miss so much of her.  How can we understand?   Laugh on T....